Riding a crowded bus at 9 a.m. on a Monday morning after having watched both Goodfellas and Casino the night before

Ever since I can remember, I've always hated riding the bus.

It's 9 a.m. I should not be up this early. Fucking bullshit. But I have to catch the bus to get to work. My body is still catching up to the fact that it's awake. My eyes are red and stinging, swollen and purple. My body aches. I stand at the bus stop and breathe in the exhaust from the cars driving by. I see the bus in the distance. What a fucking morning to be alive.

I step on and slip two crisp, new bills into the machine. Twenties. I throw a few more at the bus driver. "Make it fast Charlie. No bullshit, got it?" He swallows and nods nervously. I slap my hand against his cheek just loud enough to make a little noise. "Atta boy." Spineless quivering motherfucker.

The bus is packed like fucking sardines. People are all jammed up in the aisle. I look to the back and see there are a few open seats. I never did understand why these people, sheep really, all fucking stand stupid and clueless at the front of the bus while there are four or five open seats in the back. I decided a long time ago I couldn't live that way. If society thinks the right thing to do is stand at the front of the bus, then fuck society. Who doesn't want to be able to sit comfortably on the bus, look out the window, lean back and relax? These fucking pussies just don't have the guts to do it. But I do. So fuck 'em.

The bus starts moving and I grab onto the railing and start moving back. The sheep people lean to the sides of the aisle as I muscle my way past them, cowering motherfuckers who don't even have enough guts to move back themselves at least. Now that I could respect, if they realized what they were doing and took a seat. Then I'd stand. I wouldn't be fucking happy about it but at least I'd be surrounded by real stand up individuals.

I get to a tight spot - three of these fuckers are all squished side to side in the aisle and I can barely get past. They all look away like they don't know I'm trying to get through. You don't recognize me? You don't know who the fuck I am? You better fucking let me past.

"You've gotta be kidding," mutters a woman under her breath. She's wearing a big blue overcoat and looking down at the ground. I grab her by the hood of her coat and yank her head up so her beady little eyes and snub nosed face are inches from mine.

"The fuck you say?"

"Nothing, nothing..."

"Oh no motherfucker. I don't think you said nothing. I think you fucking said something. You wanna say it again? See cause my hearing's not so good. I don't think I quite got it."

"I..."

"Listen you fucking cunt. You get out of the way, and you don't fucking talk back. Got it? Do I look like I want to be standing here? Am I just fucking walking down the aisle for fun?"

She just stares at me. So what can I do? I punch the broad in the face and she goes down like a sack of bricks. Her head hits the rubber floor with a thud. I give her legs a few good stomps until I feel the bones breaking under my shoes. She won't be standing in the aisle anymore now.

I look around the bus.

"Anyone else got a problem?"

The bus driver turns a blind eye. Those twenties keep his eyes on the road, where they belong.

The rest of these stupid motherfuckers part like the Red Sea of pussies and I leisurely make my way to the back. I sit down and spread my arms across the back of the seats. I survey my kingdom. It feels good to be on top.

*snap*

"Ohh... sorry... excuse me... excuse me... sorry"

Nevermind. I'll just stand in the front. Sigh.